A · long, · strange · trip

'Tis the season to work towards new and interesting goals.....

1. Write 1000 scientific words per work day.
This is kind of like nanorimo, but for getting the backlog of papers, thesis proposals etc. out the door. I am counting any words that will help science, even if it is a brain storm session. Yesterday and today, I spent my words thinking of experiments for my postdoc NRSA.

2. Work on the 100 pushup program
http://hundredpushups.com/index.html
This is a cool page that gives a training program to be able to do 100 pushups. I am on the first day of the second week, meaning that today I did 5 sets of pushups totaling 44. For the first day of the program, I was ridiculously sore and didn't even want to lift my fork, but I've been doing better since then. I have my doubts that I'll be able to do 100 pushups at the end of 6 weeks, but the good thing about the program is that you can start where you are and work as fast as your body allows.

3. Lose 10 pounds.
I know, I know, I know. But given that I'm running the Vermont50 in a few months, I could lose to be taking a little less with me, ya know?

I'll be posting on progress semi-regularly.

"Dear Dr. Greene,

..... it is clear you did a lot of work and I think that the manuscript makes a very valuable contribution to the literature of this area. Thus, I am happy to accept it for publication...

I think that your approach is clever and creative and I believe your paper will have a big impact on the field. Thank you for submitting such a great paper to ..... journal."

Love,
Da-Editor-Dude

Translation:
Uncle! Enough with the new experiments! I relent - you win!

The score:
1.5 years collecting data
597 days trying to publish the damn thing
119 pages
~21,000 words
5 revisions
1 great big smile

As many of you know, I have been training for the Boston Marathon which will be held on April 21, 2008! Part of the reason I have not been regularly updating this journal is that so much of my time has been devoted to training and fundraising for my charity, the American Liver Foundation.

The experience has been amazing, and as I have had plenty of questions about my training, I'm devoting this entry to training! ( More )

It's been a while since I tallied up a quality of life index... here we go...

THE PAPER is still in my life-space
-5 (and falling)

Tasty super-huge salad sale at Sebastian's through the end of next week
+2

I got cuddles from the kitty last night
+1

I'm applying for Boston marathon numbers to run for a charity this year (and hopefully to quality for next year.
+2

Generalized uncertainty over health stuff
-5

Impostor syndrome has returned causing me to follow about 4 courses right now (because clearly I can't be a respectable graduate student without knowing x,y and z)...
EVEN

It's cold and will be cold until April
-3

I'm getting my act together and starting to write up old stuff.
+2

I'm getting into a good routine of writing down my goals daily
+2

Score: -4
I think some wine is in order for tonight

...that interesting people are those who are interested in something. I believe that I should have something worth saying in this space at least once a week.

The updater notification on the login tells me that it's been a week, and I'm struggling to come up with a non-complaint to place here.

I wish that my skin was thicker. After the constant peer-review rejection of the last year, I've grown to the point where I have no confidence in my own work or my ability to execute or communicate about work in general. I don't know how I lost the ability to get mad.... when I was 20, this kind of rejection would just fire me up to prove myself even more. Now I just get depressed and tell myself that I'm stupid.

A question for the audience: can you regain lost confidence? How?

I read an article in a neuropharm journal yesterday about increasing one's serotonin without drugs. Thought I'd share my response since a lot of us are broken in various ways to varying degrees.

The upshot is get some sunshine (even if you are not inclined towards seasonal depression) and get some exercise. You can even multi-task these by going out to play. This is very common sense. I'm having a hard time with the sunshine part in these terribly short New England days. And with the clouds, it seems like I can't remember seeing the sun in the short-term past.

Interestingly (and seasonably applicable), foods high in either tryptophan (a 5-HT precursor) or serotonin do *NOT* increase neural serotonin because they do not go past the blood-brain barrier. Thursday's turkey might make you feel better, but it's more likely because of the warmth of family and friends than the tryptophan.

Stay well, get some sunshine, and I'm happy to run with anyone who wants to go running with me!

What can be more fun than musical pseudo-divination?
Not much!
Just ask the iPod a magic-8-ball like question, and SWOOSH goes the random song generator.... and you get crazy nonsense such as:

Q: Am I good enough to hack it in academia?
A: 1. Like a Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan
2. Out/In - Remy Zero
3. Calling the Moon - Dar Williams
4. Live as you Dream - Beth Orton
5. So we are - Aimless
6. I wish my baby was born - the be good tanyas
7. Trust all-stars - Rasputina
8. Goodnight and Go - Imogen Heap
9. Bright Lights - Carbon Leaf
10. Easy Rider - Eliza Gilkyson

I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader to find out what it means....

So..... at the risk of being burned at the stake by Red Sox nation, I don't think that we were supposed to win last night.

There. I said it.

Living in Boston but having grown up in Denver, I've felt equal parts excited and conflicted about the series. Mostly excited because none of the players that I remember from when I was a kid are on the Rockies anymore and for so many years, I'd effectively forgotten that Denver even had a baseball team.

But in the last two games, I found myself having fits of nostalgia for the Rockies and for Coors field. Childhood memories of going to games and cheering for Andres Gallaraga and Larry Walker, first in Mile High stadium and then when Coors field was grand new. The trees in the bullpen. The fountains that go off when the Rocks score a home run.

And so I really wanted the Rockies to win games 3 and 4. And I really thought it was possible between their home-field mojo, and the problems we were supposed to face between the lineup change, the altitude and the huge field.

And yes, Denver doesn't know what it is like to cheer year after year for a team that breaks your heart in the end. Yes, the Rockies are the David who slew Goliath to get there in the first place, and yes, it is very cool for Terry Francona to be (probably) the only manager undefeated in the World Series.

But I still think it should have been Sox in Six.

wolvzor asked me to write about these 5 things. If you would like me to give you 5 things to write about, leave a comment after this entry.

1. Hippyism
I was 13 when I decided that I had been born in the wrong time. The music, clothes and priorities of my age group were (and still are) completely baffling. I was enamored with the rebellion, the political activity, and the idea that you could change the world. I read Abbie Hoffman and Timothy Leary and listened to all of the groovy music of San Francisco, still disillusioned that "no one in my generation is doing anything".

It's only been recently that I've discovered that people in my generation are doing things, but just not where I was looking for them. In particular, the push for freedom of information (free software, free culture, open access) will ensure that the best ideas will survive, and that information (the great equalizer) is available to anyone who wants it.

I was also touched last month when I went to the xkcd meetup. It was ~1000 people in this tiny park, each of them peaceably doing *whatever*they*wanted*to: playing on the playground, writing perl scrips in chalk on the sidewalk, playing music, meeting each other, drawing, laughing, making shirts. In a time where face to face meeting seems exceedingly rare, this was a very cool event.

And then I went to a free music festival in San Francisco a couple of weeks later. And in a park with 300,000 people and no rules governing children, dogs, glass, alcohol or anything else.... nothing bad happened. People enjoyed their music in the park however they wanted to enjoy it. It's striking to me how conditioned we've become to think that human nature is terrible, and that we need to be babysat or else anarchy will ensue. And because of this, we don't trust each other, we don't meet each other and we don't reach out and exchange ideas. I hope to keep this web of human movement going.

2. Organized religion
I have a paradoxical relationship with this one. "No, thanks" is my automatic intellectual reaction, followed by a Dawkins-esque diatribe about the evils of religion in the world. And yet, every so often I find myself intensely jealous of religious people. The idea that you can belong to this group unconditionally is a very powerful idea. The idea of not having to muse over messy big-picture philosophical entanglements because you are given the answer is equally shiny. The idea of ritual, and meaning and symbolism...

But you can't fake faith, and ultimately lying to myself would probably feel a lot worse than feeling a little lost from time to time.

3. Socks
Useful. I have a hard time finding the right ones, especially for running because my feet are small. I put anti-blister powder into mine to keep down on the callouses. I like shopping for socks because they're not really sized. You don't have to try them on and ask if they make you look fat.

4. Attraction
I get attracted to people, and every so often they get attracted to me.... why this happens is a complete mystery to me. The most accurate thing I can say about the set of things I am attracted to is that there's nearly always an exception to anything that I say I like or don't like. Which does not mean that I'm indiscriminant, but that it's complicated.

5. Biting
Tesla has razer sharp teeth, and my right arm is testament to how tasty he thinks I must be. I feel silly looking like a teenage cutter sometimes.

Wow, my attention span for this is gone.